i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
