Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
