I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
