You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
