Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
