Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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