if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
