Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
