Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you win again, gameday.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Bring me that man meat
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
