When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
