Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
