I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
