your thong is hanging out like whoa
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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