Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
