somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
