Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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