Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
