Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
