Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
