My first STD was from a foam party
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
