the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Why did my mother make you get naked?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
