very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
