I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
