Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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