Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
