i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
