You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
