You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize