Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Welp...herpes.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
whose parrot is this?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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