ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
