Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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