I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
