OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
