i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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