i would punch a child for taco bell
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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