wat bout pragnant strippers??
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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