I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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