her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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