I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
