..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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