OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
