Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize