half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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