Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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