Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
