Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
