the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
