he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize