the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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