no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Come on in and take your pants off
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