so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
