kristin has been a bad kristin
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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