you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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