It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
