OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Randomize
