my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
