please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
