So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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