In the future we'll all be gay
420 ftw
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
