ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
