Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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