I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize
