The maid of honor just puked.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
