my mouth tastes like poor choices
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
