Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize