actually, I'm a sock model
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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