Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
im holly from the hills drunk
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
