$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Randomize
