You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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