We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
When did angry sex become our thing?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
