is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize