It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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