Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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