Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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