Jerry, you need to find god
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
