I just threw up on my dentist
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
